A Stand Still?? But that’s not what I had planned

I feel like I’m stuck sometimes here lately and if I don’t do something different.. I’m going to close my eyes and it be ten years later just like that. I’ll be the forty year old waitress… I see how much life I’ve lived just by looking in their twenty year old eyes at work. Hear it with their problems, which are nothing; their plans, which are everything. I remember being right where they are. Was that really ten years ago? A decade?!
Well I guess the plan I had then went to shit. But you know plans change as do people. I can’t replace the things I’ve learned, forgot, relearned. A marriage, a baby, divorce.. you know the drill.
So I’ve been so-called trying to refind myself. Wait.. I don’t know if refind myself is right.. Rediscover my purpose here. I’ve been into Yoga for about a year now. The true mind, body and soul of it. Eager to join the mainstream with my Instagramed headstand. I did what I always do when I’m learning something new. I research. Reading about the principles and teachings of Yoga to tuning me into well a better me. My eyes opened, interest perked. We had been moving towards a more minimalist lifestyle over the past three years. It’s been huge to truly realize what you need and what you just want. I mean what’s important? Most important? Our time here and how we spend it. What impact do we make on those who matter most?
Sydni joins me in Yoga and I find us talking a bit more on a deeper level. I find just being a casual observer of how blessed we are, so she sees what all we have and what’s important to hold close. And it’s not just for her sake, but mine as well. Positive affirmations right? They say the most important thing you do in life is that impact you leave on those closest to you… What impact do I have right now, how could I make it better. It’s true, if mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy. And I hate being stressed, having the anxiety I do doesn’t help me handled prolonged use of emotion. Simplified I can handled just about whatever, for a short amount of time. If I start spiraling.. it’s usually done. I can see no end. It’s a terrible feeling and not something I want to have to experience often.
But I know there are things I can do, even when it doesn’t seem so. I control me, I decide if it’s a happy day. Aristotle says that happiness is our sole purpose. Without the ability to embrace happiness wherever you are, life’s just a mute point passing by. And I just can’t have that!!
Things I can’t control are a million to one. We will always find ourselves in potentially sticky situations.. do you reach out and take the poison apple, let the negativity of others infiltrate your life to where you’re caught up in all the situations you’ve tried to hard to avoid. Or will it be the higher road, let them hate, talk, maybe even try to bring you down and you just smile and wave, boys.. I have to worry about me and SydSyd. I love her so much and I see the adult in her mature by the day. She’s becoming her own little person and I want to be there to help shape her opinions in a crucial time. I feel as if I have few precious moments to, well, stop her from making all the heartbreaking mistakes I did.. At least give her a more holistic way of thinking for her to use in her approach in life 🙂


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