Today I made the decision to give my car back..
An item that meant, still means, so much to me. But do I really want to sell anymore of my time to pay for the brand new car I thought I had to have two years ago. God, there were a lot of things I thought I had to have two years ago. Slowly letting go of my material things was, is harder than I thought. And today, vacuuming it out, making it the beautiful car she is, I almost broke. I almost broke. The not fairs came in. Then I found between the seats a code correction pad I used at my last job, a call center I loathed with a capital L. The thought that registered next was that one of the main reasons I worked there was to pay for that car, insure that car, pick my daughter up from after school care. I couldn’t even pay my rent…
I moved to North Carolina after that in hopes of something different. A new job, better pay!! Not finding work at first, I turned to research. Research on living with less, making what you need, not taking what you don’t. Okay, this is great in theory! Yes, the answer to my problems. I don’t need this stuff. I mean, I can’t pay for it anyways. I don’t want to sell my time somewhere I hate to pay for things I really don’t need to be happy. So why then did I sit down mid vacuum and feel like a failure. Why am I on the verge of an emotional meltdown because I’m about to do something I know needs to happen. Why do I suddenly feel like crying? Maybe that’s why I decided to start this.
I thought I knew what I wanted.. I do know what I want. I’ve changed so much in the past year. I’ve redefined my meaning of happiness and it’s not attached to materialism. Our backyard is on the verge of a true micro-farm. A suburb experiment before we head to the hills, if you will 😉 I want this sustainable lifestyle. I am already on my path, my choices are clear. I guess I just need reminding. And above all, an outlet. So this will be my story.
Today is the day I give back my car.